It’s seems that summer is finally here in chilly Canada. This has been the first week of actual hot summer weather we’ve had!!

I have some crazy days ahead of me.. I guess that’s what you get when you have 3 jobs and a crazy hectic life! I sometimes wonder how my body allows me to stay awake half the time!! I am constantly on my feet and I am always to tired! lol silly me.

So, for the next 2 days I will be working 13 hours days with an hour in between to switch from one job to the next… and then on Thursday after work I am off to Ontario to go on a much needed vacation!! I will be camping with my bf and his sis and her bf so about 4 days!! In complete separation from the world! I figured this would be an excellent way to try and see what a raw diet would be like.

So last night me and Ky went and made a bunch of delicious raw treats so I can still have snacks while I am out there..we made chocolate chip cookies, carob haystacks, cinnamon girls and coconut carob fudge!! They all look amazing and taste pretty darn good, and yes I have totally forgotten about the pictures.. .. ..

BUT I have some great news! I will be completely out of debt in less then 2 weeks and they I plan on buying a really great camera to show you all what I am eating and what great raw treats I can create!

ALSO, I once I get back from my lil camping trip, I will have less then a day to repack my car and pack my best friend and head out to Country Fest!! We’ll be camping there for 4 days (just us girls) we are meeting up with a few other girls as well.. and we’ll party our bumms off for a few days then come home!!

So as you can tell I have a very CRAZY week ahead of me, but I hope in the end I will learn more about myself and actually have some time to relax for once!!

So see you when I get back. Hope you all have a wonderful week!

How Will I Ever Get There??

I ask myself this question so many times, it may just one day make my head spin and fall off.. How will I get there? I read a TON of health related blogs, food blogs, raw blogs…etc and they all give you the best advice. But how many of us actually go out and TAKE the advice given to us!!

After reading a great inspirational blog, I will eat well and excercise one day and by the end of that day, I say to myself “I worked hard today, I deserve to eat a box of doughnuts!” AM I INSANE?? In reality, I haven’t taken any of thier advice at all.. for this I am guitly.

So how do we get back on track when there is no track to follow. How do you program your brain to say no to our addictions. I am addicted to sugar. More then ever I want to be healthy, but I keep making the most horrid decisions!! So how will I ever achieve my goals??

So I came up with a plan. I am going to focus on only a few things at a time so I do not get overwhelmed and quit cold turkey. I am going to do this in a few “simple” steps and hopefully I will start to see a change.

So some Goals I want to accomplish are:

1. Be 100% Vegetarian, I sometimes have meat but it usually never agrees with me, yet I love with stuff my face with cheeseburgers.

2. Look into having a raw diet. Research has shown that a raw diet will cure you of almost all illnesses. I work at a Hospital and most of my nurses and doctors agree with me, that eating clean is the way to go if you have the time to prepare and money for fresh foods.

3. Gym- I have 2 memberships to 2 different gyms. One is at work and one is at home. My goal here is to run 3-4 times during the week at work and then weight 3-4 a week at my other gym..

There, that’s 2 things I want to accomplish. But here is my obsticle. I work 3 jobs, 1 FT and 2 PT. Finding the time to do all of this will be quite a challenging.

I will change my life around and I know it will not happen over night but I am going to give it another shot.

Thanks you all for your support

xoxo Ash

Hiding Does Not Make The Problem Go Away

So here I sit, again..

I am in the same old seat as I used to be. I am depressed. I am binge eating, and I am finding myself getting back to my old state of mind. “Maybe if I don’t eat as much, I’ll be thinner”. I cannot believe I am posting this to the world.. but I fear I need you help more then ever.

I have to break this cycle that women go through!! I want to live a healthy and happy life but all I can think about anymore is how great I would look in a bikini if I really stuck to it.. but then again my outter looks should not be the issue. I have to change how I feel and my self-esteem.

I have suffered through eating disorders, and I do not want to go down that path! It’s scary, depressing and even life threatening. And unfortunately for me, I am an emotional eater! Once I get upset, I eat. If I’m mad I eat.

The most horrid thing about this is that I am not even overweight! Sure I have cellulite and bumps here and there that I try to hide, but I want to love my body and I want to love myself πŸ˜₯

Sorry I have been gone so long but I am back, I realized I DO need help! Beating out what society’s image of “beautiful” is the hardest thing we ladies have to deal with and I am determined to deal with it head on!!

So, again sorry I have been gone.. but I am happy to be back!

I’m Home!

Hello again,

I finally returned from my trip from Ontatio. Overall, it was a blast!! I met my brother’s new gf and her son. Went fishing, Played board games and did a bit of sight seeing.

Our diet was the hardest thing for me this weekend, since we’re being totally strict on what we eat, we ended up bringing alot of food there with us, and I did ocassionally cheat (so tisk on me)

I won’t be posting as much since the weather is so nice right now! It’s about + 14 out, so it’s not hot but not cold.. possibly might go for a run tonight.

Bought a new camera as well so I will be taking a ton of pictures of me.. and junk..

Take Care*

Happy Hump Day!

Well, last night me and Ky went for a 45 minute long swim. I am so sore today!! I made sure I ate some protein balls after our workout, and they usually help me to not be sore the next day! But maybe I overdid it.

We basically did laps and laps and .. well more laps! It was actually the first time in a long time where I felt ok walking around the pool in my bikini! It was such an odd feeling! I really could get used to it though!

So my plans for the day include :

*Finish work here at the Hospital.
*Weigh In Time!! – I’m nervous to see if changing up what I’ve been eating and different exercise helped aid my weight loss.
* Pack for Easter Weekend in Ontario!!

I’m leaving Thursday night after working at Fabutan and driving the 4 hours, back to my home town.. I really miss home and my family. I’ll be meetin my brother’s new gf and her son for the first time as well.. *exciting* I haven’t liked his pervious gf’s so it should be interesting.

Is anybody else really protective of thier siblings?

I also get to make up a grocery list of my mom so she can pick me up some goodies so we don’t have to hawl a bunch of food from home. It also takes us a lot shoter of time to go through the States and then drive back up to Canada, so we’re not allowed to even bring alot of items.

What is everyone’s plans for the weeked?!?!

I think we’re going to do alot of walking in the country, and possibly ride some of my horses. I will for sure take a lot of photos with my mom’s camera and then post a ton on here this weekend. Especially with my horses and other pets on the the farm, that I miss so much!

Well, hope you all have a great hump day!!

Friendship Award

I really love awards! I had no idea that you could even get cute awards through blogs but I’ve gotten 2 so far!! (*evil laugh…muah ha ha ha jk*) But the latest one I have received is from Leah @ Simply Fabulous


“FRIENDS… comes with the following description to be added & passed along: “These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated.” It also says : “Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

It’s so hard to choose who I want to give this award to but I have to choose 8. Thankfully I don’t have many people on my blogroll, but hopefully more readers will make themselves known so I can add them to it (*hint hint*) So yes, please leave a comment so I can give you awards and check out your blog..

So here are my 8 Lovely Friends!!

1. Leah (of course!!) at Simply Fabulous

2. Ruby at Completely Delicious

3. Rian at Girl On A Diet

4. Helen at Helen’s Journey

5. Sarah at Skinny Runner

6. Sarah at Run Sarah

7. Ashley at Healthy Ashley

and finally last but certainly not least is..

8. Wiggs! at I Am The Beholder

So I am going to try to comment on everyone’s blog to let them know they have been awarded!!

But it’s time for me to get in my EXERCISE! Me and Kyle are hitting up the swimming pool! I really need a change or scenery, I’m a little tired of the gym… so I will chat with you all tomorrow πŸ™‚


I’m trying to work on my blog at home, since I am usually blogging at work (bad habit… really bad habit, I could get busted!! ;)) So I update my “About Me” Page which includes some photos of my before weight.. I really hated to even look at them since that was when I was really depressed and not myself.

So yeah, check it out..

Thank You..

I just want to take a minute and say thanks to everyone who emailed me, or commented on my previous post.

Being in this “funk” really sucks. I don’t know what to do and feel as though I should just give up. Having people around you who support you and give you encouraging and inspiring advice can really do wonders.

I am not going to give up! I ‘m starting Week 3 today of the diet I have been on. I’ve lost 4 pounds and dropped 1 – 2 pant sizes (depending on the brand) and I am happy with the results I am seeing. Of course, I would like to see immediate results but that is just not reality. Everyone reacts differently when it comes to diets, excercise or even just changing a few bad habits. Everyone is different. But I know in my heart, that I cannot give up!

This could all be due to the fact that I think I am catching the flu, I’m tired, irritable.. and craving sweets, HARD! But I’m going to push through if it kills me.

So again, thank you all so much! You make me want to do better, and right now I really need it!

*hugs and kisses*


Why I’ve Been Gone For A Few Days?

Hey guys and gals.

I’ve been on hiatus for a few days now. There has been alot running through my mind. I am unsatisfied. I feel unsatisfied with my life, my weight, myself in general.

Have you ever gotten into a complete funk?

I’m starting to feel like “am I doing this right?” I haven’t lost any weight since my detox week, eventhough I worked out at the gym all weekend and have been sticking to my diet. I feel like I am putting in all this effort and seeing minimal results, if that!

I really don’t enjoy my job that much. I feel as though people judge me since I am small already and 99% of them are overweight. They’re constantly telling me that I don’t need to loose the weight, and they’re right! Honeslty I look completely normal. But, normal is not good enough for me! I want to be fit and healthy, but not look too skinny! Is that a bad thing?

I have a select few that say I look great and support me, but most of the people in my life, make fun of what I’m doing.

It’s so frustrating, I’m trying to make myself a better person, and get in touch with who I am, and set my goals high. Yet I have people bringing them back down.

Anyways, that’s why I have been MIA the last few days, just not in a happy state of mind right now. I really need to get myself out of this funk!

On a good note, I went to buy some new jeans and I’m down 1 -2 sizes depending on the brand of jeans.. that cheered me up! But not enough. Help!

Quiz Time!!

I was tagged by Helen @ Helen’s Journey to answer some questions and pass them on.

1. What are your current obsessions? Losing Weight and Paying Off My Student Loans!!! Ggrrrrr

2. Which item from your closet are you wearing most often? The only pair of jeans that still fit me without falling off me πŸ™‚ (desperatly need to go shopping soon!)

3. Last thing you bought? For myself? A hoodie in Bermuda at Xmas..

4. What’s for dinner? Most likely something with chicken…maybe a smoothie!

5. Say something to the person who tagged you: Helen, your a sweet lady! I love your blog and it makes me want to try to be better!

6. (question I replaced) What is one item you could not live without? I don’t think I could live without my bf Kyle, he really does make my life so much easier πŸ™‚ (awww..I’m so cute)

7. Vacation spots you must visit before you die?
New York
Costa Rica (again)

8. Three things to do before you die?
Run a Marathon
Conquer my fears
Have lots of babies

9. What are you reading right now? Watchmen (I’m a closet nerd)

10. What is the last movie you saw and enjoyed? Rate it out of 5 stars. Twilight, I read all the book so how could I not love it! 5/5

11. What’s your guilty pleasure? Tanning, it makes me sooo relaxed and happy!

12. What’s your favourite smell? Coconut, reminds me of summer

13. Best thing you ate or drank lately? I ate a High Fibre Oatmeal Pancake this morning!

14. Care to share some wisdom? You fall down to learn how to get back up!

15. Name the last blog you visited before this one, on which you left a comment. (link and info please!) Girl On A Diet , I usually check it out every morning!

16. Talk about one regret in your life? I regret letting my ex cheat on me so many times and letting him make me feel as though I would never be good enough and ruining my trust in men!

17. (question I added) What do you have an addiction to? Celebrity Gossip!! I’m horrid!

Rules and Invitation to participate:

1) Respond and rework
2) Answer questions on your own blog
3) Replace one question.
4) Add one question
5) Tag three bloggers –

I have tagged

Ashley from Healthy Ashley

Sarah from Run Sarah

Sarah from Skinny Runner

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